


Sorry, Didn't I Say?

by coolnevilnswag



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bullying Elias Bouchard, Canon-Typical Worms (The Magnus Archives), Chaos, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Group chat, Multi, Roller Skates Gang, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Magnus Archives (Podcast) as a Workplace Comedy, The Mechanisms Were Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist's College | University Band, hot dog water - Freeform, i know it says the mechs were jons college band but theyre more his current band in this, ill let you guess what that means, it's gonna be a fresh n funky time, its fun spooky not trauma spooky, more characters will be added to the tags when they appear, no cishets in MY archives, no pain au, the mechs will show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolnevilnswag/pseuds/coolnevilnswag
Summary: Timothy Stoker has named the chat Archives Gang(bang)Timothy Stoker: nickname time!!!Sasha James: oh no
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 25
Kudos: 136





	Sorry, Didn't I Say?

_Timothy Stoker has named the chat Archives Gang(bang)_

_Timothy Stoker has added Sasha James to the chat!_  
_Timothy Stoker has added Martin K Blackwood to the chat!_

Martin K Blackwood: tim whats this

Sasha James: OwO what’s this?

_Timothy Stoker has added Jonathan Sims to the chat!_

Timothy Stoker: oh god our names are disgusting

Jonathan Sims: Excuse me?

Timothy Stoker: nickname time!!!

Sasha James: oh no

_Timothy Stoker has changed Sasha James’s nickname to salt n vinegar_  
_Timothy Stoker has changed their nickname to pogothy pogger_  
_Timothy Stoker has changed Martin K Blackwood’s nickname to earl gay_  
_Timothy Stoker has changed Jonathan Sims’s nickname to jonny bossman_

earl gay: :)

jonny bossman: What is this, Tim? Also, you know I prefer to go by Jon.

salt n vinegar: The crisp-based oppression needs to stop, Tim.

pogothy pogger: never. also sash can u hack into the institute servers and change our names or something

salt n vinegar: Maybe

earl gay: do ittt

jonny bossman: For legal reasons, please don’t.

salt n vinegar: Good point. I’m appalled you even suggested that, Tim.

earl gay: right yes Crime Is Bad

jonny bossman: Also, what is this?

pogothy pogger: sasha youre dead to me

pogothy pogger: its a group chat, so we can communicate more easily!

earl gay: I think this’ll be nice!!

jonny bossman: We have email, which is far more professional than… whatever this is.

pogothy pogger: this is convenient tho

salt n vinegar: It’ll foster interpersonal relationships that will ultimately make our productivity higher!

Jonny bossman: Wouldn’t it be more concise via email? Or if you came into my office?

pogothy pogger: 1) no email sucks

pogothy pogger: 2 what if we’re in artifact storage or something and have a question

salt n vinegar: It would be more efficient to send a quick message through here than to walk back, or to a computer to send an email.

pogothy pogger: 3 do u rlly want us barging into your office all the time?

pogothy pogger: having Face 2 Face convos?

salt n vinegar: Also, if we communicate more frequently it’ll stop something like what happened to Martin from happening again!

jonny bossman: ....Fine. But please try not to spend too much time on your phones during work hours. And Tim?

pogothy pogger: ya?

jonny bossman: Please change my name.

pogothy pogger: you got it

_pogothy pogger has changed jonny bossman’s nickname to jonathan bossman_

salt n vinegar: jfc tim

jonathan bossman: I’d prefer if it were abbreviated, and didn’t have the juvenile last name, but I suppose that’ll do.

pogothy pogger: ohhh sorry!

_pogothy pogger has changed jonathan bossman’s nickname to bossman nathan_

earl gay: hjsfkjkglhkfljk

pogothy pogger: there you go!

bossman nathan: What? No!

bossman nathan: Tim, change it back!

_pogothy pogger has gone offline_

bossman nathan: Tim?

bossman nathan: I hope this means he’s going to get some work done.

earl gay: actually i think he’s off to take selfies in the library. i used to see him there around this time basically every day

bossman nathan: That sounds about right. The rest of you, please get something accomplished. We have a lot of work ahead of us.

salt n vinegar: I’ll be right over to get the assignment!

earl gay: yes right me too

_Timothy Stoker has named the chat Jon-Free Zone_

_Timothy Stoker has added Sasha James to the chat!_  
_Timothy Stoker has added Martin K Blackwood to the chat!_  
_Timothy Stoker has changed their nickname to tim warp_

_Martin K Blackwood has changed their nickname to martin_

tim warp: lame

martin: no u

tim warp: >:O

_Sasha James has changed their nickname to the brain cell_

the brain cell: LMAO get rekt timothy

martin: that name is accurate

the brain cell: UwU

tim warp: btw marto

tim warp: whats the K stand for

martin is typing…

the brain cell: i bet its something like Kurt

martin is typing…

martin: does it matter?

tim warp: thats the most suspicious answer you could possibly give considering you typed for 3 minutes

the brain cell: yeah i was expecting an emotional story about how youre named after your grandfather or something

martin: idk what you want me to say

tim warp: what your middle name is?

martin: does it matter???

tim warp: place your bets now, comrades! im voting for Kartin

the brain cell: im putting my money on Kalliope

tim warp: a strong contender

martin: what

_the brain cell has changed martin’s nickname to Konfused_

the brain cell: not as good as earl gay but itll do for now

**Archives Gang(bang)**

bossman nathan: Martin, please come to my office for your next assignments at your earliest convenience.

**Jon-Free Zone**

Konfused: “hi yes mr. whateverthefuck im with the magnus institute, im calling to follow up on a statement you gave and-” 3rd time someones hung up before i finished a sentence

Konfused: whyd jon have to give me phone duty ;-;

tim warp: hes never had to do it himself so he doesnt know the Pain

Konfused: or he just hates me

tim warp: dont worry he hates everyone its nothing personal

Konfused: ugh. perks of being the boss i guess

the brain cell: actually the head archivist is supposed to do at least some of that but he was… encouraged to direct his focus elsewhere

the brain cell: we got so many complaints about him

the brain cell: its better this way

Konfused: that… makes sense.

tim warp: i promise hes not *that* much of a prick

tim warp: he just

tim warp: he has -10 people skills

tim warp: he can be kind of nice sometimes

tim warp: in his own weird way

Konfused: yeah! I mean hes letting me stay in the archives bc of the whole worm thing

tim warp: yea

tim warp: but hes also kind of a prick rip

tim warp: want to get drinks after work and complain?

the brain cell: im in!

Konfused: that sounds great :)

**Georgie (^owo^)**

Jon: georgie help

Georgie (^owo^): Hi, Georgie, Great to talk to you again after months of silence, Georgie

Jon: hi

Jon: help

Georgie (^owo^): the fuck did you do

Jon: nothing yet but disaster is imminent

Georgie (^owo^): ????

Jon: my coworkers made a group chat

Georgie (^owo^): jfc i thought you were dying or something

Jon: my professionalism is slipping georgie

Georgie (^owo^): tragic

Georgie (^owo^): also, what professionalism? you're a librarian

Jon: i got promoted im In Charge Of People now

Georgie (^owo^): oh god your poor employees

Jon: rude

Georgie (^owo^): congrats on the promo tho! head of a library is what you were meant to be

Jon: im not

Georgie (^owo^): i thought you got promoted? what else would you be

Jon: Head Archivist, apparently

Georgie (^owo^): the fuck??

Jon: idk

Jon: the previous archivist left things… unorganized

Jon: and now apparently its my job to organize things

Georgie (^owo^): You???? Organizing Things????

Jon: dont even get me started on the bloody tape recorders

Georgie (^owo^): jon we’ve known each other for years and i can safely say youre the last person in the world i would choose to be in charge of organizing something

Georgie (^owo^): unless its, like, sorting fun facts into arbitrary categories

Georgie (^owo^): what was your boss thinking

Jon: i dont know

Jon: and now i cant sleep and im being stalked by worms and i have be professional in a group chat because coworkers wont respect me if i dont use proper punctuation

Georgie (^owo^): jon everyone uses bad grammar in chats it’ll be fine

Georgie (^owo^): wait

Georgie (^owo^): whats that about worms

Georgie (^owo^): what the fuck jon

Jon: its fine

Georgie (^owo^): jon there is no possible combination of being stalked and worms thats “fine”

Jon: sure there is

Georgie (^owo^): that wasn’t a challenge stop typing

Georgie (^owo^): i mean? at least theyre just worms? how much damage can worms do

Jon: exactly. it should be fine

Jon: anyway hows that podcast thing going

Georgie (^owo^): great!! it’s gotten a decent number of listeners :D

Jon: i know, im one of them

Georgie (^owo^): … :)

Jon: it felt rude to ask about the admiral before asking how youre doing

Georgie (^owo^): i forgot how bad you are at holding conversations

Jon: ok listen

Georgie (^owo^): im listening

Jon: anxiety

Georgie (^owo^): fair enough, continue

Jon: can i come by sometime and pet him

Georgie (^owo^): ofc

Georgie (^owo^): he misses you too

Jon: dont tell him i miss him he’ll get a big head

Georgie (^owo^): 1) he already has 2) more room for pets

Jon: t r u e

Georgie (^owo^): wait

Georgie (^owo^): jon

Jon: yes?

Georgie (^owo^): are you, by chance, the person

Georgie (^owo^): who comments “sounds fake but ok”

Georgie (^owo^): on every single episode of wtg

Jon: what? no what makes you think that

Georgie (^owo^): watch it buster

Georgie (^owo^): i’ll revoke your cat privileges

Jon: you wouldnt

Georgie (^owo^): i would

Jon: good thing its not me, then

Georgie (^owo^): hmmm. ill believe you… for now

Jon: wow thanks

Jon: anyway can i come by later? after work?

Georgie (^owo^): ofc! it’ll be good to see you again

**Author's Note:**

> ehehehehe
> 
> stay tuned, i guess? i have some fun plans  
> however i am in college and made the bad decision to take 3 writing classes so idk how soon an update will come  
> comments fuel my chaos


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